The Plan

How did we get here? Engagement pictures July 2008

Plans... They are essential to living a functional life with direction, but they can also be suffocating. When do our dreams turn into set in stone plans? I had a dream about how my life would go- I knew I would find my hubs in college, get married soon after and want to start a family early. But, if you would have asked me senior year of high school that college was UGA and the boy was someone not named Mike! Boy did the Lord change my plans, but I am so glad he did! I love reading my journal from senior year in high school and throughout freshman year of college because I can see the whole picture. I can connect the dots from teenage love to heartache to “get me the heck out of GA” to “Ok, I guess I’ll go to Baylor” to meeting the love of my life the first weekend in Waco… and you know the rest! Through all of that I rested in the perfect plan that the Lord had for me. It was something I could not see in the moment, but 6 years later (wow, I can’t believe its been 6 years!!) it is a beautiful picture, something I could never have orchestrated on my own. I am so thankful that I can rest in the peace of knowing that no matter my best efforts at planning, I have a savior who is guiding me. He knows what is best for me. In Jeremiah 29:11 God speaks to his people and he says “I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you.” That’s straight from his mouth guys… do you trust Him?

Even though I know that peace that comes from resting in the Lord, I still find myself making plans. Not that all planning is bad, we need direction in our lives! But planning without seeking the Lord is foolish. For example, two weeks ago I thought I was pregnant. Mike and I do natural family planning and for 1.5 years b.m (before Maddie) and almost a year a.m it’s been working wonderfully for us. I’ll do another post on how/why Mike and I made that decision 2 months into marriage and how it has changed out lives! Anywho, I was a couple days out from starting my period and I was so nauseated… for three days, felt exactly like morning sickness. I was exhausted, irritable and sick. I threw a temper-tantrum 2 year old style. I didn’t want to be pregnant, I was thinking about how hard it was going to be with an 18 month old and a newborn, I wanted to travel at thanksgiving and Christmas… “Me, me, me… it’s all about ME!” I didn’t want to take a test, I figured that ignorance was bliss! Mike loved me through it. I really just think he didn’t want to deal with my irrationality… wise hubs! Ironically, that Friday Mike had won tickets to a benefit concert for a pregnancy center here in DFW and we took our good friends the Widemans. God wanted me there; He knew what He was doing when Mike won those tickets on the radio! There were videos that played about girls who were considering abortions (just FYI, that wasn’t in the slightest a consideration for me!) and one of the captions during it said “You may not plan for a baby, but God does.” OUCH! Right there I was humbled, humiliated by my terrible attitude. Children are gifts from the Lord, blessing from Him… they are not unplanned inconveniences! Since then I’ve been reading in Jeremiah (jointhejourney.com) and have been hit with this nugget every day for the past two weeks: “We are to be obedient to the Lord, even if it’s not in our plan!” I am not pregnant, but that experience chipped away at my hard, stubborn, selfish heart.

“Trust in the Lord with all you heart. Do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”- Proverbs 3:5-6… can you believe I memorized this one back in February… and I still struggle!

I hope you can find peace in Him today! He has a PERFECT plan for your life... Give it up… It’s so much better when you’re not in control! Take it from a recovering plan-a-holic.

8/16/10-The day I feel in love with a gooby girl!

Two of my good friends here in Dallas had babies in the last week (one of them had her second, a little boy today!). What is it about seeing other people you are close to having babies that just pulls at your heart strings and brings back all of the emotions of the day you gave birth? I almost found myself envious of that moment when you finally hold your little one after 10 months of waiting, praying, wishing and wondering! I loved that moment. I loved giving birth. I want to do it again!

I have never written Maddie’s birth story down… so I thought it would be a good idea since I have just been replaying it over and over in my head these last few days. So here it goes!

My pregnancy with Maddie was very textbook, much like she is! I was unusually tired a few days before my missed period, I was terribly nauseated from week 6 to 11ish, I finally felt like “myself” in the second trimester, I craved strange food that I never ate before I was preggo (Tuna fish, sunchips, diet lemonade from chick-fil-a), she moved at 15 weeks, measured exactly for her due date the whole pregnancy, I had crazy creepy dreams throughout my pregnancy, I peed every 3 hours at night in the last trimester, I was swollen, huge and exhausted at the end… and like most first pregnancies, my due date came and went with no Maddie! Maddie was due on August 11th 2010 and boy did I wish she would come then! My twin sister and her husband were driving through Dallas for two days from the 9th to the 11th on their way to start their new lives in Cali… Vicky had school on Monday and both she and I wanted her to be there to see her niece enter the world. We had our 40 week appointment with Dr. Crochett at 3pm on the 11th. My mom, twin, little sister, brother-in-law and Mike all squeezed in the sonogram room to take a peek at MK. Maddie passed the Biophysical Profile Scan with flying colors (rats, we were hoping that maybe she was feeling a little lazy and not moving very much so we could get induced that night!). Dr. Crochett stripped my membranes during my exam (was 3cm and 50%) and said “If she doesn’t come tonight, I’ll see ya on Monday morning at 6am in L&D!” That afternoon we went on a 3 mile walk and ate Chuys (Mexican food!) to try to encourage MK to come out. I did start having contractions that night around 10pm, 5 minutes apart and lasting for a minute… but I was exhausted, so decided to try to sleep and they went away. I always wonder if we would have walked around for a little or gone to the hospital if she would have come that night.

That weekend we went to Waco to move Lissa into her new apartment for her senior year at Baylor, cleaned our house and re-packed our bags (they had been packed since 32 weeks…silly me!). Sunday night we went to Watermark’s 5:30 service and had our “last meal” at Texas Land & Cattle with my parents and Caroline. We had no idea how much our lives were going to change that next morning! Surprisingly I slept amazingly that night (keep in mind, amazing for a 40week and 5 day preggo is only getting up 2 times to pee!).

*Looking lovely at 5am on Aug 16th- did I mention that was Mike and I's 2 year anniversary?*

We got up at 4:30am on Monday the 16th. I was determined to get to the hospital by 5:30 because, being a nurse, I knew that if we showed up at 6 we wouldn’t get the show on the road. From 6-7 is when nurses usually start slowing down… come on, you’ve worked a 12 hour shift, there is an end in sight and you give us a new patient at 6am!!! Obviously the docs who schedule inductions have never asked the nurses opinions! We got checked in, filled out a TON of paperwork, got the final weigh in (gained 42lb…eek, thank you breastfeeding for taking that off plus a little more!) and got settled in our room on the fetal monitors. It was so strange for me to be a patient at the hospital I worked at… it grossed me out that I might be sitting on the same pad (cleaned obviously) that my patient with nasty diarrhea used last week…that’s just the nurse in me I guess! Our nurse was Tiffany, she was an adorable petite blonde from Texas Tech who was so sweet and supportive.

My IV was started at 7:30 (didn’t hurt thanks to them numbing my hand before hand! Why don’t they do that everytime?) and pitocin was going at 7:35. I was 4cm and 75% when pitocin started and just having occasional Braxton Hicks. Boy did that change, almost immediately I was having period like cramps every 5 minutes. At first, they were tolerable, but as soon as I was crying through them I knew it was time for the epidural. The anesthesiologist at BUMC was amazing. I asked for my epidural at 10 and literally within 10 minutes he was in my room setting up. The epidural was in and working in 15 minutes with very little pain. At 11 Dr. Crochett came in and checked me, I was only 5cm and 80% so she broke my water, clear fluid which was great news! She also informed me that she was glad I got my epidural when I did because if my contractions were hurting me before my water broke, I would be in a world of hurt afterwards! From 12 to 3 I napped, listened to music and talked to Mike, Caroline, Mom and Dad. I loved them just being in the room, keeping me company! I loved relaxing, letting my body (and the pitocin!) do the work and not feeling ANY pain…. My epidural was so good I couldn’t feel my feet, or move them… but I was totally fine with that! The peace and good feelings changed at 4, I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up. The nurse came in and checked me- I was at an 8 and in the transition period of labor, nausea and vomiting is very common in this stage. I got some nausea meds and got really nervous, transition phase is usually really fast… this was happening! At 4:30 I was feeling a lot of pressure (another good thing about an epidural, you still feel the urge to push!) and when the nurse checked me again, I was complete! It was time to tell Mom, Dad and Caroline to leave, it was time for Mike to get the camera ready, it was time to assume the position- I was about to push this baby out! I pushed for a little less than an hour before Dr. Crochett came in. Pushing was easy for me, I felt like I was making progress with each push and Tiffany even said I was a “pretty pusher!” When Dr. Crochett came in she told Mike to get his camera ready and she also said “You can always delete pictures, but can never take them again.” Boy did my husband take that literally… he took pictures of EVERYTHING! And do I mean everything, but I am so thankful that he did. I don’t think anyone will ever see those pics but the two of us, but they are a reminder of where Maddie came from and what my body can do! They are empowering! It just took a couple of pushes with Dr. C until Maddie made her entranc e to the Need to Breath CD that Mike had picked as our “pushing” music! She was born at 5:23pm. She cried immediately, was put right on my chest and Mike cut her cord. She was perfect, she was beautiful, she was my baby girl! I cried tears of joy. After Mike and I got to cuddle with her, Maddie’s nurse took her to the warmer to get her checked out, weighed, footprinted and injected with Vitamin K. Everyone was shocked that she was 8lb 13 oz (both Mike and I knew she was going to be big since Mike was 11lb at birth!)… Dr.C even said that day that she didn’t think MK was more that 7 ½ lb! While Maddie and Mike were bonding by the warmer, I was getting repaired (3rd degree lac) and I was also trying not to pass out, hyperventilate and throw up all at the same time. I was losing blood, and a lot of if. After lots of painful fundal massages, three shots of the “emergency medicine” and two bags of pitocin, I was still not slowing down. There were hushed voices mentioning “taking her back to the OR” “leave her epidural in just in case” and “let’s get some blood on hold in the blood bank.” I was freaked out, but trying to hold it together. Mike was a rock, he prayed out loud for me, Dr. C and the nurses. Finally, I was slowing down… my uterus was clamping down and cutting off those blood vessels that were once connected to Maddie’s placenta. Thank the Lord for his work in my body, or who knows what would have happened. Dr. Crochett was so calm and reassuring during the whole process. It was only a few weeks afterwards that my mom told me how worried Dr. C was about me and how critical she thought I was (she had talked to my mom in the hall after). I couldn’t sit up when my family and Mike’s family came in to see Maddie, I still felt like throwing up and passing out, and I certainly didn’t want to take any pictures (you can see how white I am!). My heart was racing to try to pump whatever blood I had left and my blood pressure was dropping. I stayed in L&D for 5 hours to make sure I was done bleeding… and thankfully I was! I almost lost my cookies all over Maddie when they were wheeling us to the post-partum floor. I turns out that my hematocrit (which is normally around 30 in a healthy female) dropped to 17 during the next two days and I had to have a blood transfusion. I was freaking out. Getting blood means that you are sick in my book- they don’t even routinely give blood to heart surgery patients unless they are really sick! But the blood literally gave me life again… I could get out of bed without getting a massive headache and I finally had enough energy to enjoy my daughter and all of our visitors. I am so thankful for whoever donated those two units of A positive blood! We went home after two and a half days in the hospital and the rest is history!

Now, I have 9 month old daughter who is the (second) love of my life. She is the cutest baby I know (and I am biased!). She is such a joy. She makes me smile and laugh like no one else. I love, adore, cherish her and I would give my life for her in a second. I wish I could relive the day I met her everyday because that was the best day of my life (second only to my wedding day and the day I gave my life to Christ).
I love you Gooby girl!

Happy Easter from Maddie!

Happy Easter from my precious little Easter bunny! (picture taken yesterday at an easter egg hunt at church!)

I am so excited for MK's first easter! We have a precious easter dress thanks to Gigi and her easter basket (that I made her!) is filled... we're giving her a stuffed animal lamb and a "Gigi God's Little Princess" book and DVD, I also have plastic easter eggs that I'm going to fill with her favorite Happy Baby puffs. Mom and Dad got her the sweetest little angel doll and stuffed bunny...this girl is officially spoiled!

Good Friday and Easter always makes me think more deeply about my savior… and this year I find myself praying this prayer over and over again:

“God, please bring my precious baby Maddison to know you, capture her heart so that she grows more in love with you everyday. Help her to see that she needs a savior and that you are the only one. Help her to serve you all of her days.”

There is nothing that would bring me greater joy in this life than for Maddie Kate to accept Christ as her Lord and Savior. I know that all I can do is pray for her, teach her, and be an example for her… God’s got to do the rest! I am so thankful that I came to know the Lord at a young age, thanks to my wonderful Dad. I can vividly remember him sitting down with my twin sister and me when we were 7 and sharing the gospel with us…and in our child-like faith we prayed a prayer very similar to this: “Dear Lord, I am sorry for all of the wrong things I have done, thank you for dying on the cross for me and washing my sins away. I ask you to come live in my heart, to be my Lord and my Savior. I love you, Amen.” Now, it took a lot longer for me to figure out what this faith meant personally to me… I didn’t know the true joy of being in Christ until I was a teenager.

I hope that you know Him today…I hope that you experience the peace and joy of being in Christ.

Happy Easter! He is Risen!

Teaching MK "Why?"...

I can’t believe I will have an 8 month old at the end of this week! It seems like yesterday she was 3 months. Please tell me this slows down, it’s breaking me heart! I may be biased (actually, I know I am!), but she is the sweetest, cutest little girl I know! Our future kiddos have a lot to live up to!

Yesterday in church Todd said something that really hit home with me… that we should not just teach our children the moral “what” but we should teach them the moral “why”… I am certain that discipline is just around the corner in our house. MK doesn’t quite understand what “No” means, but it’s only a matter of months before she will. I want her to know why there are rules… not just what they are. If all I do with MK is give her a list of the dos and don’ts she’s going to be following the rules out of obedience and fear of punishment. But, if I can teach her the heart behind our obedience, she will be obeying out of love, respect and honor for the Lord! I want her to know that there are rules because God loves us and has our best interest at heart… he’s not a cruel dictator, he’s a loving Father! Check out Todd's sermon on Watermarkradio.com, the parents part is at the beginning so even if you just have time to listen to that it's well worth it!

So, I’ve been pouring over scripture for answers. There really is no situation you can find yourself in where God’s word can’t help you! The 10 commandments say in Exodus 20: 12 “Honor your mother and father. Then you will live a long full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” Obedience to your parents is also found in Ephesians 6:1-3: “Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother “things will go well for you and you will have a long life on earth.””

Verse 4 of Ephesians 6 also says “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”

So what is the instruction that comes from the Lord? I love this passage from Deuteronomy 6:4-9: “Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commandments I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hand and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

If I am to bring Maddison (and future children) up with the discipline and instruction of the Lord, then I’d better know what that is and follow it myself! I don’t have all of the answers… and I am sure that it will be a growing process. It simply comes down to me being willing to be lead by Christ like Isaiah 40:11 says so beautifully “..He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.” I am thankful that I can rest in that passage. He will lead me and as a result, will also lead Maddison!

Our new house...

No, we didn't buy a new house... but my house has changed forever… from now until I die our home will be not just be Mike and I’s… it will be our family’s!

Now, it’s a place for Maddie to explore, discover, learn new thingsWhen she’s in elementary school it will be a safe, familiar spot When she’s in high school it will be her domain, her room will be her spaceWhen she’s in college it will be the place she longs for and to break free from all in the same breathWhen she’s an adult with a family of her own it will be where she comes for holidays and vacations

How am I going to make our home a happy, joyful, kind, respectful place? I am so thankful for a wonderful community of young moms a Watermark who help me with very practical tips… if you want to check out the Building Blocks message on creating harmony in your home (because as women, wives and mothers we really do set the tone for our homes!) it’s right here: http://www.watermarkradio.com/ click on the parenting section and it’s under the 2011 Building Blocks Series

On a shallow note here are some other things that have changed around here:

-There are toys EVERYWHERE! I mean not just in the new play room (pictured below...which used to be a formal dining room…bye bye Thanksgiving dinners!) I mean everywhere. I can’t walk in a room without finding a toy!

-Our guestroom bathroom is now Maddison’s… there is a baby tub, a pink and brown stripped curtain and a painting with birds on the wall… sorry guests!

-There is a high chair at our table with 5 half chewed/slobbered on Happy Baby puffs in the seat and a variety of homemade baby food splattered all over it (it’s impossible to keep clean!)

-I have two drawers dedicated to bibs and burpcloths and one full cabinet that's home to 10 bottles, 2 sippy cups, 10 bowls, 8 spoons, some back up jarred babyfood, Plum Baby Oatmeal and three containers of Similac Advance in my kitchen... not to mention the counter space for a bottle drying rack... oh and half of my freezer that's full of Squash, Sweet Potatoes, Green Beans, Broccoli, Peas, Carrotts, Mango, Blueberries, Cherries, Avocado, Pears and Peaches lovingly steamed and pureed by yours truely!

-Instead of just housing our lawn equiptment, our garage now has to find room for a jogging stroller and two bikes with a baby trailer.

But guess what: I wouldn’t trade it for a single day without my sweet Maddison! I'd happily live in a toy house with a pink bathroom with babyfood splattered everywhere and no counter or freezer space if Maddison lived there too! Can you tell that I am just head over heels in love with this little girl? :)

Speaking of the play room, I am working on a new art project… I am looking for a black board (anyone know where I can get one cheap?!) to put on the wall so we can start learning (silly I know, but it’s never too early!) and I am going to surround the black board on both sides with canvases that have ABC and 123 on them. Here’s the colors I’m going for… I think it’ll look pretty cool with the contrast of the black board and our tiffany blue walls! Since Mike and I are trying to really live on a budget rather than just track our spending (novel idea right!) it’s a slow work in progress… but thanks to Hobby Lobby always having something I need 50% off and their 40% off coupons, we should be done by May!

Getting a new name... a BIG change!

When you have a baby, everyone in the family gets a new name... Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt, Uncle. My new name is "Mom"... or "Mama" as Maddie says. My precious Maddie has no idea that "mama" means, but when she says it (which is very rare!) I jump for joy! I pick her up and repeat "Yes, I am your mama and I love you so much!" and she giggles and smiles! I can't wait for the day when she says "mama" and she really does mean me!

However adorable it is when my little girly girl babbles those two syllables, that word has so much meaning behind it. Just think about the word "mom"... what comes to mind? Most everyone will think of thier mom... and all of the good, bad and ugly that is assocaited with them. My mom is wonderful... she is the most loving, wise, Godly woman I know. I only hope that I can be half of the mom to MK that she is to me. I have big shoes to fill!

Thinking about taking on the role of a mom to MK (and our future baby(ies)) alone is so overwhelming... we are all destined to fail! It's just our human nature. We are broken people... we are angry, selfish, impatient, prideful people... and those kind of people don't make good parents! But thankfully I am not going at it alone! I have the perfect parent on my side! He is loving, kind, patient, selfless and humble. In fact, He loves us (his children) so much that He gave up his only son for us... Can you imagine that? So, instead of getting overwhelmed when it's just one of those days (you know what I'm talking about moms!)... I can be confident that if I am digging into Christ, He will provide just what MK needs in a mommy through me!

"... My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me"- 2 Corinthians 12:9

And we're back!

So... It's been almost a year since we've posted on here... but I figured it was time to start back at it again! Lots of things have changed (the picture above, pretty much sums it up!)

I changed the name of the blog... because it is so true... having a baby changes everything:

Your marriage

Your body

Your bank account

Your house

Your car

Your friendships

Your "free time"

Your weekends

Your name

Your family

and this is only the first few that pop to mind!

Don't get me wrong, the changes aren't bad... just change... and change can be challenging/joyful,/fun/wonderful/hard all at the same time!

But, I wouldn't have it anyother way! So I hope you join with me as I chronicle how much life is changing... every day, every hour, every minute around here!