Confessions of a Wanna Be Preggo!

Since I’ve already let y'all into this very personal aspect of my life, I’ve decided to keep you in the loop. Here are some confessions I have to make:

~Every time I go to Target, I ALWAYS check out two places: The clearance maternity rack and the clearance baby gear section. When I am in there hunting for deals, I think two things: “Will I get to use/wear this?” & “I should have worn something more flattering on the belly, people are gonna think I’m preggo!” This is my strange way of giving myself hope, like if I buy that maternity shirt for $2 or Dr. Browns bottle for $4, maybe it will happen… I said it was strange, don’t judge!

Instragram of my Target find the other day! 

~I have read this book and this book and checked out this website at least once a month for the past 8 months… that’s a lot of reading! I learn something new every time.

~I pee on a stick 2 times a day for 10 days… and it’s not a pregnancy test! OPKs were annoying at first. I didn’t realize that a faint line wasn’t positive like a pregnancy test, so I thought I was ovulating all the time! I honestly love peeing on something that turns positive at least once a month… again, like the maternity clothes- it gives me hope!

Test line DARKER than the control= Positive! :) 

~I have memorized James 1:2-4, 1 John 5:15, Jeremiah 29:11, and Proverbs 3:5-6… and I need them every moment I am awake to keep me focused on Him and His promises…. Maybe I should be reciting those when I’m shopping at Target?!?.... nah!

~I HATE pills (Mike has to force me to take Tylenol when I’ve got a bad headache), but I’m taking at least two every morning. Prenatal for the folic acid, B6 & Prometrium for a suspected luteal phase defect (short time between ovulation and menstruation). This is my first cycle taking the Prometrium, so we’ll see if it helps!

My drugs of choice 

~I’ve become really good at saying “I’m so happy for you, but I’m just really sad for me.” It’s the age I am, but a ton of my dear friends are pregnant. And as happy as I am for them, and I am sooooo happy, it still stings a little with every Facebook announcement. I’ve learned a whole lot about sensitivity through this process, how to do it well and how to do it differently. I’ve got some wonderful friends who let me be honest about my struggles with jealousy and bitterness; they love me well through it and call me out on it… SO thankful for them! If you don't have friends like that in our life- find some, they are invaluable.

So now you know all of my silly TTC (trying to conceive) quirks. TTC is a game of elated hope and severe disappointment and every emotion in between. I think I’m getting a better handle on it every month… with credit only going to Him. He and I have become tight through this… I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Remember that the struggles in this life are an opportunity for GREAT JOY (dropping some James 1:2 on ya)… my joy hasn’t come from a positive pregnancy test, but I have experienced great joy. Joy from seeing how the Lord is using me to touch the lives and hearts of some of the girls in my life (many whom are not even TTC but experiencing another time of waiting). Joy from gaining a new appreciation for my precious baby girl MK. Joy in allowing the Lord to humble me and battle my selfishness by blessing my preggo friends with my summer maternity wardrobe (another confession, the Lord really did a work on my heart to give those up, but I still bawled like a baby when I gave them away). Joy in realizing my icky jealous heart and surrendering it daily to the Lord and being thankful that I am as white as snow in His eyes. Joy in growing closer to my husband through this journey.

I pray desperately that you can find JOY in your struggles in this season of your life dear friends. It’s way harder than it looks, but I promise it’s possible.

Love,
K Vog